Note to the reader. This is my first few days really attempting to understand religion, many of my arguments may be wrong and incorrectly explained. When reading realise not only is this a rough draft of my thoughts in writing, but also a viewpoint from someone who has been raised in an affluent, liberal area. I've spent a lot of my time reading books, watching philosophy lectures, and little time interacting with the religious community and religious texts. I am a jew ethnically, and to me the importance and love of the jewish community often transcends the debates of philosophy and theology. I'm incredibly happy and grateful that I have that connection.

This 5-6 day break, I spent hours researching religion for some reason. From the time I spent looking into this subject—more than I have genuinely tried to in my entire life—I’ve decided that, for the time being, I’m an atheist. Not in the discipline of church-burning, religion-shunning beliefs, but rather that I disagree with a lot of the reasoning behind the main two religions I have explored: Judaism and Christianity. While my background as a Jew has me feeling not obligated but rather proud and slightly connected to the history behind my ancestors and the creation of the religion, the matter of faith in a God or the supernatural is what I strongly disagree with.

While discussing it with my dad, the definition of my atheism is that I’m choosing to build my moral code based on my education, life experience, and research instead of dedicating myself to a certain overarching branch of religion (Judaism, Christianity). Therefore, I may agree with and draw on the philosophies and moral laws that they demand or encourage, but that is subject to change. Of course, the affluent position I was raised in provides me with the opportunity to form my own opinions instead of conforming to the reasoning of a standard religion. This does have some moral instabilities or weaknesses, as sometimes I may be wrong, or when supposed "hard times" befall me, I may not have the moral strength to follow through on the moral structures that determine my "goodness" or righteousness. But the important thing that I have self-clarified is that I do not have the "faith" in the supernatural or God that is inseparable from religion. Nor do I have the religious background, honestly, to make a strong argument for why religion is so "good" or "helpful" to my personal self.

I can agree that, in some aspects, it has been helpful for groups of people who haven’t had the resources or education that I received, helping them form their own strong moral codes that made them smarter and better people. But in God? I see the benefit of having one, the purpose, but there isn’t sufficient reason to prove that he is real, in my opinion.

That’s based on the following reasons I’ve written down for myself:

• Unjust suffering -Why do we have to suffer? The popular belief in Christianity is that we suffer because it will help us become better or more righteous people. But if that’s true, why do children die from leukemia? Do they deserve it? Of course not. Also, on the topic of animals—why does the animal world have to be so violent and gruesome? For example, what purpose does a deer dying from a wound on its leg in the middle of a forest serve for the good of the world? I just see no rationalization. Why not make all animals herbivores?
• Religion has caused wars (7% of them) - It’s not even the percentage that matters to me. I believe that religion has been used to justify horrible things, and under no circumstances should it control people enough to cause them to murder and kill over their moral beliefs. For example, you can’t stop a man who wants to kill you based on revenge or some internal feeling, but if a man wants to kill you and is convinced based on religious justification, it’s preventable. I don’t know the exact argument for this one, but it just feels wrong that religion can provoke people to that point.
• Scientifically inaccurate - A specific example that is a turning point for Christianity, at least, is the resurrection of Jesus and the mass resurrection of a graveyard nearby. I genuinely doubt the resurrection of Jesus, and even more, what was the purpose of the resurrection of the graveyard? While the resurrection of Jesus was to prove (in Christianity) that he was God, the resurrection of 500 people, which is written hand in hand, has been proven to be false. The accounts of the guards who were guarding that graveyard were proven to be biased, and the guards themselves had been accepting bribes beforehand to lie about other things. Furthermore, it’s just extremely hard for me to believe in the constantly contradictory nature of the Bible and the religious texts behind Judaism and Christianity. (Important note: I’m beginning to study the texts, so I’m not including quotations on my points. My simple response to any of your inquiries on fact-checking is: search it up. I’ll cite my sources at the bottom.)
• Contradictory Sources - There’s no proven author. The gospels, which are meant to provide verification of the accounts of Jesus and the authors of the texts, have been proven to be forgeries, influenced by the authors, and extremely biased.
• The Bible supports slavery - While modern Christianity has accepted that slavery is wrong, it took 1,000+ years for this to be widely accepted, pointing towards the difficulty of change and movement in regards to the scriptures and codes.
• Actual infinites - The question of whether God is all-knowing results in a phenomenon where, if God knows everything, then God knows that he knows everything, and so on… From a scientific point of view, infinites are looked down upon. Is anything truly infinite?
• Triumph is not necessary sometimes - Again, referring to the Christian concept that suffering is deserved as it molds you to be a better person. A scenario that logic supports is that if cancer is deserved, then the positive is all the good cancer research has brought about. But cancer, again, didn’t have to exist in the first place. (Not my strongest argument, but I’ll probably revise it later.)
• Wishful thinking- Sometimes, religion feels like a tool created by humanity to provide comfort for the unknown and the bad things in the world. It provides the answer to where life begins and ends and suggests that if we do everything right, we’ll go to heaven and, at some point, live forever without sin or discord. I guess this just makes me a realist, but I’ve never believed in that thought. To me, it may be a bit sad, but life works in a way where we should seek safety, and the best way to do so is to arm ourselves with various materialistic and philosophical tools. That way, when bad things happen, we have a cushion to fall back on—whether that’s a strong community, a strong belief in God, or our own security net. That’s the way we live. To believe that someday, Judgment Day will happen and we’ll be weighed on the goodness of our actions, and based on that, we’ll go to heaven or hell (this might be an incorrect statement, but it doesn’t matter for my argument) is wishful thinking.
• Choice - The facts are that we’re shaped by our environment and the people around us, especially our parents. If our parents are Jews, we’re likely to follow Judaism as well, especially if immersed in it from a young age. In India or some Asian countries, 95% of the population is Buddhist. In America, a large majority is Christian. That’s just the bigger picture of this effect. Societal pressures often push religion on us, whether we know it or not, and there is various debate on whether governments or nations are built on religion. I’m still not sure whether I agree with that, but the effect of peer pressure is sort of what I’m arguing here.

While I haven’t been raised in a religious household—I don’t visit the synagogue or celebrate most Jewish holidays—I say a prayer every night before I go to sleep. It used to be because I wished that somewhere out there, there was someone watching over me and controlling the world where I can’t, so that my dreams and hopes would come true. At the back of my mind, I hope that’s true. I’m really, really scared of death, but if Judgment Day actually occurs, I’ll accept my decision to not have believed in God and happily stand back and be proved wrong.