Context: This is for the write-about-anything-you-want prompt (350 word limit)

I reference Harlem by Langston Hughes occassionally which I seriously recommend you read if you haven't because it's one of the most famous poems of all time.

The first time I heard Alexander Lubyantsev play the Paganini Caprice for piano, I thought he was Krystian Zimerman. They share the same blondish hair and maddeningly meticulous style—except Zimerman is a legend, and Lubyantsev is forgotten. Lubyantsev entered the Tchaikovsky Competition, but his story was a tragedy. Although he was a final laureate, he repeatedly lost because his style was too outlandish. As I scrolled through his recordings, I unearthed hundreds of recent vlogs. It was heartbreaking—like that line from Langston Hughes: “a vision bright, now cast aside” (Harlem).

My story with piano was simpler. I bombed a competition, then practiced three hours a day for a year until I won with Chopin’s Nocturne in C. I was passionate. I loved piano. I could play for five hours straight and only stop because my fingers couldn’t go on.

Yet in sophomore year, I stopped playing—or at least, I stopped playing the way I did before. We lost our piano teacher, and I convinced myself that if I dedicated everything to getting into college, I could try again anew, among people who understood. That’s still my biggest hope: that once I get to college, I’ll play again. Yet sitting down at the piano now makes me want to cry. My “heart once yearning, [felt] now out of reach” (Harlem), too hurt to play.

I imagine Lubyantsev felt the same way. Ironically, his last name is akin to “true lover” in Russian. In his case, piano is his true love, his only path. I look at his story and wonder if he’s where he is today because he didn’t win.

Contemplating his story, I feel like a hypocrite because I struggle with pushing past the same feelings of failure and loss. But I do know it’s beatable—I’ve beaten it before, after bombing that first competition. There are multiple roads to the same success.

To me, college represents a fresh start, a place where I can play again. Maybe I’ll still want to cry with every note, but I know I still have that passion. My dream will not be forgotten.